El Camino Blog

That's the fact, Jack!

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

New Year's Resolutions (again)

Do not waste your time with resolutions starting in January. I don't know about the weather in your locality, but here in central Indiana, I'm waking up in the morning to -5 degree windchills and 30 mph windgusts. It's dark when I go to work, almost dark when I go home, and I'm in no mood to "eat healthy". I'm scouring the grocery stores for BBQ sauce, so I can have something to mix in with the crock-pot cocktail weenies. Heck, this is the one time of the year I'm BEGGING for carbs, to keep my mind off the crappy weather. You folks who are showing up at my local Bally's club for the first time ever, trying to work yourselves into a fitness jones...oh, pity on you! Look at your doom: You've put on 25 pounds since Halloween, which is turning your arch supports into pancakes; and you've picked the shortest, coldest days of the year to carve out an hour of your daily schedule, for the purpose of SWEAT, and PAIN, and LOOKING AWKWARD in front of a bunch of steely-abbed fitness junkies. You know what? Most of 25 AIN'T coming off anytime soon. Because, after you put yourself to the torture test at the gym, you're going to do something that actually feels GOOD, such as picking up a crock pot full of BBQ-soaked cocktail weenies, and dumping them over your head, kind of the way a Gatorade cooler gets dumped over the head of a football coach at that Super Bowl you just watched. I told you so. Wait until about a week after April 15 (death and taxes day), when all the misery is finally out of the way.

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